IS AGEISM IN THE FAMILY REALLY A THING?

Older people are EXPERTS at living their lives.

So why do we tell our older family members what to do all the time?

(Hint - ageism in the family).

Have you ever said this? Mom, I think it’s time that you move to assisted living. 

Instead, try asking this: Mom, what are your thoughts about staying in your home and aging in place? 

Have you ever said this? Dad, I think you need a caregiver. I don’t think you can manage alone anymore.

Instead, try asking this: Dad, is it hard for you to manage alone? If so, let’s talk about getting some help.

Have you ever said this? Mom, we think you should stop using technology altogether. It’s too hard for us when you call us every night with questions about how to work your TV remote or fix your computer.

Instead, try asking this: Mom, there are organizations you can call for tech help. Would you like information about how to contact them, or maybe we can get on a call together to get you started?

Have you ever said this? Dad, it’s time you stopped driving, I think it’s unsafe. 

Instead, try saying this: Dad, I know that driving keeps you independent and that’s important to both of us. I’m concerned though, because recently you’ve seemed less steady on the road. Here’s an idea: Can we talk about how you’ll manage once you can’t drive anymore and come up with a plan for how you can get around town? Once you have a plan, let’s consult with your doctor to discuss what you can do to stay safe on the road in the meantime.

Families don’t intend to be ageist, but they are.

Ageism in the family is subtle, it’s often unintentional, and consists of comments or statements that question the abilities of an older family member (micro aggressions). It adds unnecessary stress to the situation and causes older people to question their own abilities. Ageism in the family, just like ageism in other places, is reflective of the internalized negative stereotypes and attitudes towards older people in general.